The girl who had nothing.

Tadi pulang kantor naik angkutan umum.

Udara lagi pengap banget, gue make blazer (kenapa gak gue lepas? ehm, tanya sama orang-orang terdekat gue yee,hehe). Tadi tuh gila-gilaan panasnya. Gue berasa bisa meledak kapan aja. Gue pasang tampang gak bersahabat. Setiap ada orang yang ngelakuin hal aneh, gue langsung sensi pengen marah.

Apalagi sama orang yang duduk persis di depan gue (posisi hadap-hadapan). Dalem hati gue, ni orang ribet banget sih, kasak-kusuk gak bisa diem, handphonenya bunyi mulu lagi. Berisik tau, batin gue.

But then, kayaknya pemandangan ada yang ganjil sama cw yang kasak-kusuk itu. Setelah gue perhatiin lebih seksama, ternyata she doesn’t have any fingers. Yep, start dari pergelangan tangan dia, gak ada. Ilang. Amputasi mungkin. Entah.

Gue langsung ngelus dada. Ngerasa bersalah.

Gue pura-pura gak peduli, tapi bohong banget gue gak peduli.

Akhirnya gue curi-curi ngeliatin dia.

Ni cw udah kerja. Pake kemeja warna soft-pink, celana dan sepatu. Rapi banget deh.

Rambutnya sebahu. Mukanya juga biasa aja, gak mencerminkan muka orang yang kehilangan daya untuk hidup seperti manusia yang sempurna.

Gak gemuk, gak kurus, medium.

Tangan kanan, lebih panjang sedikit dari tangan kiri, dan masih kesisa jari jempol, yang keliatan cuma nempel doang tapi masih berfungsi ( masih bisa ngetik sms nih dia, pake N70, handphone di ‘taro’ di tangan kirinya yang gak punya jari, dan dia ngetik sms pake jempol kanan dia —-coba praktekin, taro handphone di pergelangan tangan kiri, dan ngetik sms pake jempol kanan lo aja—-).

Suddenly, gue ngerasa jadi ciiiuuuttt banget.

Kecil banget gue. Sampe-sampe gak keliatan.

Gue sama sekali gak ngerasa gue lebih sempurna dari dia.

Secara fisik, oke gue punya apa yang gak dia punya, jelas keliatan.

Tapi, mungkin, hati gue gak secemerlang dia?

Gue bahkan gak bisa ngebayangin hidup kaya apa yang dia lewatin? Yang harus berusaha extra berkalilipat untuk dapat ngerjain satu hal (sms contohnya).

Gue yakin gue lebih baik mati kebanyakan makan sushi daripada musti menjalani hidup seperti itu. (gak juga sih)..

Tadinya mau gue senyumin orangnya, tapi gue takut malah disangka meremehkan atau gimana, jadi gue diem aja.

Gak berapa lama dia turun, ada satu ibu-ibu yang sama kelakuannya sama yang tadi. Grasak grusuk, telp sana telp sini minta dijemput. Baru pengen ngedumel, gue ngelirik ke kanan, ternyata dia lagi ngelus-ngelus perutnya yang udah membuncit. Kayaknya bayinya baru nendang-nendang, makanya dia gelisah. Lagi-lagi peringatan buat gue.

Blame me for havin bad thoughts.

I swear i’ll do better.

Bulan ramadhan jg gt, jadi harus bersikap lebih baik, berpikiran lebih baik, menahan godaan untuk batal lebih baik..hehehe

I have nothing but pride and selfcentered egoistic purely hell-made evil thoughts. (maksud lo tiiii???!!!)

Well, I had nothing..

Thursday..goin on Friday! Ahey!

Kmrn ngasih iring gift ke Adit, lagunya ST-12 yang P.U.S.P.A!!

Kenapa? Karena dia sangatlah annoying klo lagi nyanyi lagu itu! hehehe..

Ternyata ampuh juga buat mengembalikan mood gue klo nelp dia..boookkk…siapa yang gak ketawa denger i-ringnya kayak gituuuu..hakhakhakk..dasar si bebekk…

Hari ini gue sangatlah malas bekerja! Yang gue liatin dari tadi cuma JAM!!! Duh, nyiksa banget deh kalo lagi males gini harus kerja, yang ada gue ngeliatin jam kapan bisa pulang..hoh..udah gitu, buat ngeliat jam dari posisi gue ga perlu sama sekali nengok-nengok atau bergerak banyak, cuma ngelirik aja, udah langsung keliatan tu jam segede gaban..

Sekarang masih jam 4.30..udah sore..tapi blm bisa pulang…help me……ohohohhhh..lelah hatiku.. *apasih*

Duh mak, gue pengen jalan-jalan ke gunung deh..(puncak maksudnya)..mau mam popmie atau jagung bakar disana..hmm..lezats..

Tapi gpp, males akan terbayar dengan libur sampe hari SENIN!!!! yaaayyy…

and the good news is, tomorrow is Friday people….yay!

Wednesday, 13th Day of August

Went to Senayan City, bought a zara shoe for him. Naa, not my money, honey.

When i arrived –alone– i saw a bunch of g a uys, the first one, pretty, wore a colorful t-shirt, skinny pants and colorful scarf (OMG), and the other one wore a black hat, black zara hoodie (yea, while i saw one on the display!), but i forgot the rest.

They swarmed around from one corner to the other. Ey, it’s nothing wrong with them, really, but i can’t stand the swarming and bitchin thing. I mean, i have a decision to make, i was thinkin, which one should i bought (lo pikir ga pake tenaga dan pikiran buat memutuskan mana yang harus dibeli!??)!

But that bunch of teen guys scattered me! They bitch about their friends and I can hear who they were talkin about. My god, can you g a uys please do it outside the store?! I was really gonna kick them out if there wasn’t a cute guy lookin for a jacket near me (heyloooo, handsooome, hihi).

Hmm, yea, well, so there it is, his shoe near my bed, waiting to be wear on Friday by him.

Aight then, i’m gonna finish my carrot juice and go to bed. I can hear my bones are cracking when i move.

xoxo

Tuesday. 12th Day of August.

Okey, here’s my last updates.

Hari Senin baru aja pergi lagi sama Derryl. Gue izin gak ngantor krn mau daftar ulang di kampus Depok. Berangkat jam 9an (damn, lagi nonton Friends nih padahal udah last episode, males buka2 dvd lagi!), sampe rumah lagi jam 2.30. Gak lama Derryl sms, ngajak nonton, and i said, ok, 3 good with you? He replied ‘alright’.

3.15 he picked me up. We watched The Mummy at Senayan City (hueh, film apaan tuh, no likey). Dropped in at Zara to seek red converse-like shoes (bukan buat gue, for the other him,him!), surprisingly, mureee bokkk! (berusaha gak keliling zara women, kept my eyes shut, kept my hands off of them and make sure i did’nt drooled all over the dresses).

So, yea, went home dengan tentengan roti buat keluarga gue (dan satu buat gue makan sendiri, hehehe, Hamtarooo..slrp!).

OH OH OH, my cousin just sent me a link, it’s for her wedding gown..err..wedding apparel…errr..wedding kebaya…ah, what ever.. check this one. Anyway, she’s going to be married next year, July-ish. She’s just 24 yo. Successful young lady, who happened to be my cousin. She has everything. Apalagi ditambah rencana dia taun depan, semakin sempurna aja hidupnya, i’m wishin all that a woman can wish in this world for her happiness. Pasti sedih campur seneng campur segala-galanya pas di nikah nanti… (love u vlyn!). For note, she’s the first granddaughter who’ll get married!! hmm… Oyaw, did i mention about the first grandson? Nih..cucu si mbah yang pertama pensiun jadi bujangan..hihihi..

(waktu entrance mereka gue sampe hampir termehek-mehek aja dulu, hehehehe..)

And..another one..

Okay, spupi merkuri, siapa yang mau gue pajang fotonya disini, buruan kewong ye booook..haha..

Coward

bisanya cuma njeplakkk..hehehe

Tonight, might be the chance we can get back again.

He wants me to fight.

But i can’t.

I’m not taking the chance he’s given to me.

I want him to make the chance, and fight for me.

Cos I’ve putt off all of my armors.

I’m waiting, changes.

Cos after all, I don’t have enough strength to enter the battlefield.

I’m a coward.